Cancelled Visit to Family

 I am not going into it in any great depth.
 I had family willing to pick me up, house me, feed me, loan me a nice car, all of that.
 I just could not convince myself that it was the right thing to do.
 I realize this is risky, in a sense, but I've never been one to not take risks when I believed it was what I needed to do to pay karmic debt and get on with life.
 If anyone thinks I find it fun to be on my own and be unemployed, well, stop thinking that, please. I am human.
Trials are as hard for me as they are for every other person on this planet.
 I thought maybe I'd go have some fun, be sentimental, and maybe even move down there. After all, what is left for me here in NYC? Nothing, far as I can tell.
 It was not meant to be though. Fun and sentimentality are not good reasons do to anything.
 I feel scared and alone.
 I have no idea what, if anything, I should do next.
 I have paid January's rent and I have paid the internet bill, and that is all I know.