Took an Amtrak train to Virginia. Stayed with relatives. It was the first time I had seen them in about 30 years. It went well, but I had to not talk about my music. My singing/songwriting was a taboo subject. I did not rehearse at all, for 5 days. Not sure how long it's been since that happened. Maybe 20 years. I drove a Jeep, and a Mercedes Benz, but of course, they were not mine, and I was not being myself completely, as I was keeping parts of myself to myself. We kept conversations centered around politics (a little bit), and family past/history (a lot). I asked my grandmother many questions about life during World War Two, etc. that I was very interested in asking. She was very sharp and gave in-depth answers. Their priorities in life, from what I can tell, are the opposite of mine, and well, I am glad I went and I am glad that I am back. Unless I go back to help with a specific task, or set of tasks, or to attend a funeral perhaps, I doubt there will be a repeat visit. This was necessary, but another like it probably is not. What now? Unsure. Maybe nothing except more of the same. We'll see if things change to where I can be invited back to work. PS-I see now where I just may never have a house, or use of a big, clean kitchen, or a nice car (or any car). I would not mind having these things, but I have to be able to get them without betraying my true self, and that may not be possible. I suppose I will see, but I have my doubts.
I Have Returned to NYC
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